5 Ways to Set Personal Boundaries

If you have trouble taking up for yourself and saying “no” when needed, you may need to think about setting personal boundaries which will protect you from those who would take advantage of you.

Setting personal boundaries is the top method you can use to improve your life. By standing up for yourself, you’ll gain self-esteem and freedom from trying to please everyone.

You may have trouble, in the beginning, asserting yourself and setting personal boundaries – especially if you’ve been passive in the past. If you’ve been aggressive, you may have handled boundaries with anger and lashing out. Dealing with boundaries with passive or aggressive methods isn’t good behavior.

Some of the issues you need to deal with before beginning to stand up for your personal boundaries include the following:

1. Know your boundaries. Be clear with yourself about your beliefs and values – what makes you feel uncomfortable and how you now handle situations that compromise your boundaries.

2. Use clear and concise language. After you know your boundaries, assert yourself by using clear language about how you feel when boundaries are being crossed.

3. Don’t be a “yes” man. Part of setting boundaries is knowing when to say “no” to people you work with and in your personal sphere of family and friends. You lose your personal freedom when you take on too much.

4. Pay attention to your internal boundaries. If someone offends or disrespects you, ask yourself if what was said is true. Your internal boundaries are lines drawn within yourself that prevent you from believing everything someone says about you.

5. Know your rights. You shouldn’t feel guilty about expressing yourself and asking for what you need in a respectful manner. You have every right to demand that you’re treated fairly and with respect in all areas of your life.

Begin setting personal boundaries by using simple and direct statements in a non-threatening tone. You may feel uncomfortable for a while, but you’ll soon feel a power that will make you stronger and more adept at drawing lines at behaviors you will accept – or not accept – from others.

You don’t need to debate the issues of your boundaries or explain yourself to others. Be firm and consistent in repeating your requests or statements and reinforce your actions by staying determined.

Ask Yourself These 7 Questions Before Saying 'Yes' or 'No' to a Request

According to ‘Book Of No’ by Susan Newman, you can ask yourself these seven questions before saying ‘yes’ or ‘no’ to a request:

• Do I have the time?

• What do I have to give up to do this?

• Will I feel pressured to get it done?

• Will I be upset with myself after saying yes?

• Will I resent the person asking?

• Will I feel duped, had, or coerced?

• Why am I agreeing? What’s the gain?

You may need to overcome guilt feelings when you begin to set personal boundaries. Remember that you should first consider yourself in any dealings and make yourself the priority – rather than someone else’s beliefs and feelings.