Building a Relationship with Yourself
When you think about how you feel about yourself and how well you know yourself, how do you score on a scale of 1 - 10? You may know yourself very well, but you are on the lower side of how much you like yourself. If that is the case, then it might be time to start thinking about how you can build a better relationship with yourself.
Stop Focusing on the Dealings of Others
There are tons of distractions that can be found in the world, but some of the worst distraction to get involved with are those that comes from spending too much time focusing on and critiquing the lives of others. Comparison can be the thief of all joy. It can be extremely easy to fall into the habit of spending your time concerning yourself with the movements of others and comparing your life to theirs. You may even spend time discussing these things with others, but it's important to note that while you’re focusing on others, you’re avoiding work that you can be doing on yourself.
Another side of this is that it might be a manifestation of insecurities that you feel towards yourself due to constant comparing. The person who is aware of the nuances of how you feel would be you because people can’t read the minds of others. If you feel as though you are constantly scrutinized by others, it’s important to remember that they might not even be aware that you feel any discomfort at all. Most of the time, people are primarily focused on how they are seen by others.
Learn to Forgive People
It’s really hard to make a better relationship with yourself when you carry a lot of baggage from past dealings with people. Things sometimes happen that can make you feel a little bit sour about having relationships with others but it’s important to remember that you don’t need to hold onto these things. Let them just be things that happened in the past and try to move on. It’s been said that forgiving people is more about being healthier for yourself than the person you’re forgiving. This is because holding onto anger and pain will only cause you to feel negative about a lot of other things in your life.
Once you have forgiven someone completely, the part of your mind that has been holding onto those toxic thoughts and feelings will be free to focus on better things. You can use that brainpower to think of ways to put good things into the world around you. There are a lot of ways to spread positivity, and the best ways involve doing something for others.
Take Time to Help Someone in Need
Some of the best advice I’ve been given is, “There is great joy in giving than there is in receiving”. There are few joys that can compare to the feeling you get when you help someone who really needs help. When you’ve been spending a lot of time focusing on yourself in unhealthy ways, a really good way to break out of that is also to help someone else. This puts them in the forefront of your mind for a time, and this can help you to appreciate the situation that you have as well.
There are a lot of programs that involve helping the homeless, children, and the elderly. Many organizations are in constant need of volunteers that can help dilute the strain placed on other people who are already busy in the community. You might be surprised by the outpouring of gratitude that comes from people who haven’t been used to getting the help that you’re helping to provide. This can create connections and inspire the future success of people who might not have had the opportunity otherwise.
Write a Journal or a Letter to Yourself
Part of getting to the deeper parts of yourself is taking time out of your day to put your thoughts on paper so that you can read them back to yourself. I love keeping a journal because when I feel like I can’t express myself to anyone, but I am bursting with feelings, I put it all on paper.
Sometimes it takes this kind of exercise in order to be able to get a sense of what is truly on your mind. You might have doubts about recent decisions, or you might need to see your thoughts out in front of you to make those final choices. Whatever the case may be, this will help you to begin to prioritize your feelings and thoughts about things. Once you’ve drawn some conclusions it’ll be easier to make real changes based on the information you have about yourself.
Practice Positive Self-Talk
After you’ve taken some time to think about the things you wrote down to yourself, make some effort to replace anything negative that you said to yourself with something that is positive. Talk about your abilities. Tell yourself that you can accomplish your goals. The more that you repeat these things to yourself, the more possible they will become.
I challenge you to become more aware of your self-talk this week. Make note of how you speak to yourself and when your inner mean girl pops up. What does she say? What triggers her?
