Developing Compassion: How to Stop Beating Yourself Up
If you have a habit of constantly beating yourself up, you are lacking self-compassion. The truth is if you would not say the words to someone you care about, you shouldn’t let your inner voice say them to you. Instead, work toward developing acceptance of yourself and others.
Avoid Negative Self-Talk
Don’t allow yourself to speak negatively to or about yourself. It’s okay to accept responsibility, which is quite different from derogative statements. “I messed up because I didn’t look both ways” is acceptance of a mistake. However, “I am stupid for not looking both ways” is not an acceptable way to talk to anyone, including yourself.
Practice Self Kindness
Practice being kind to yourself. For example, instead of telling yourself to just quit a job, turn the tables and give yourself the same encouraging advice you would give a friend or family member. Do something nice for yourself as if you were your own friend, because in reality, you are your best friend and your own worst enemy. Kick the enemy to the curb.
Don’t Compare Yourself to Other People
Avoid comparing yourself to others. Everyone has different abilities and positives about themselves. If you have a big nose, instead of classifying it as ugly, focus instead on your beautiful bright eyes and the fact that you even have a nose to do things noses do.
Recognize Learning Opportunities
Every single surprising result, event, or situation is an opportunity to learn something new. It’s not a time to think negatively or place blame. Some of the best products and inventions were brought to light because something unexpected happened. Penicillin, potato chips, Silly Putty, Microwave ovens, corn flakes, and sticky notes were all due to unexpected results and learning opportunities. Keep trying and learning.
Get Help from a Professional
If you are having difficulty being kind and compassionate to yourself, you may need to consider getting help from a professional counselor. Many people suffer from “imposter syndrome” which affects their ability to be kind to themselves. Seek help to identify your issues accurately.
Be Patient
Anytime you want to make a change, remember it’s not going to happen overnight. Don’t set yourself up for failure by expecting it. Instead, craft a plan that will enable you to tackle your self-compassion issues over time dealing with one thing at a time.
Cultivating self-compassion takes time if you’re not accustomed to thinking of yourself in this manner. You may need to work with a supportive, qualified counselor to help you work through any roadblocks that keep you from feeling compassion and self-love.
