The Connection Between Self-Esteem and Healthy Relationships

The research on the connections between self-esteem and relationship satisfaction is quite extensive. Not only does your self-esteem influence how you think about yourself, but it also plays a role in your ability to receive and accept love from others. It even plays a role in how you treat others in your life, particularly romantic partners.

When you enter into a relationship with lower self-esteem, you are more likely to feel greater dissatisfaction over time, and your partner is likely to become unhappier, as well. Your self-esteem is born from early life experiences and continues to develop over time.

If most of your relationships have been unhealthy, used unhealthy communication styles, or resulted in abuse or neglect, this influenced your self-esteem as well as your thoughts about loving relationships.

But how does how we feel about ourselves influence how we interact with and connect to others? As it turns out, in many ways. Here are just a few of the significant connections between self-esteem and a healthy relationship.

Self-Esteem Influences Attachment

When you have low self-esteem or insecurity, it influences how you attach to others. Depending on how your self-esteem issues developed and when you may have either avoidance or anxiety issues that make it hard for you to connect with others.

At one end of this spectrum, your self-esteem issues may cause you to distance yourself from others, ignore your partner, dismiss others’ feelings toward you, and even do things to hurt your partner. This stems from your belief that someone else could not possibly love you, so you should protect yourself from the inevitable hurt they will bestow upon you.

Alternatively, your low self-esteem may make you extremely anxious about how others’ feel, causing you to be preoccupied with their behaviors. You may become clingy or overly needy towards others because you are sure they will leave you at any moment.

Self-Esteem Guides Communication

Effective communication in a relationship is crucial, and when you lack the ability to be open and honest about your feelings and needs with others, it can influence how close they feel toward you.

Your self-esteem issues may make it difficult for you to articulate what you need in order to be happy, to listen well to your partner, and to be assertive about your boundaries in a relationship. Your low self-esteem may cause you to defer to your partner’s opinions and needs, causing you to become resentful and angry toward them over time.

Self-Esteem Influences Your Boundaries

How much you care about and value yourself affects what you are willing to accept from others’ behaviors. For example, you are more likely to put up with disrespectful, controlling, and even abusive behavior from a partner if you do not feel you are worthy of better treatment.

Your low self-esteem may make it difficult for you to say no to your partner or may cause you to take things very personally that really have nothing to do with you at all. You may have difficulty reconciling your differences with your partner when you feel insecure about your own needs and choices. Low self-esteem may lead you to feel you are responsible for others’ feelings or needs. This can result in conflict or defensiveness from your partner.

Self-Esteem Guides Autonomy

Each of us has a need to be connected to others as well as to be an individual and stand on our own. To be autonomous, you must have self-esteem. And if you lack autonomy, your partner and relationship must shoulder a heavy burden for making you feel complete.

Without self-esteem, you will find it difficult to spend time alone or to honor your own values and needs. To be intimate with another person means you recognize their needs as well as your own and honor them equally. Low self-esteem makes this awareness more difficult.

Your self-esteem plays a significant role in the health of your relationship. Without it, you will have a challenging time communicating your needs, connecting on a deeper level, and being an equal partner to someone else.